Monday, October 18, 2004

Mr Slowpitch signs with Presidential Debate Commission

This just in from Reuters and the AP.

The Lap Dog Media Watch has just learned that Chris (“Mr SlowPitch”) Matthews signed a deal with the Presidential Debate Commission several months ago.

In the deal, SlowPitch has agreed not to lead significant, comprehensive, and in-depth discussions of Presidential Debate key issues that could have a tangible, positive impact on the lives and security of his fellow citizens.

Details are still sketchy but the broad outlines of the 5 year, $2 Million agreement are clear.

The SlowPitch/Commission agreement will be discussed over the next few days. This blog will cover the key domestic issue covered in the agreement. The next blog will cover the foreign policy issues covered by the agreement. Finally, a blog will cover the way in which SlowPitch will use his infamous Curve Ball to distract his fellow citizens from the realization that he’s not really talking about any issues that impact them (Operation Hardball Horserace).

The SlowPitch/Commission Agreement on Domestic Issues

In the agreement, SlowPitch has agreed not to help tens of millions of his fellow citizens understand how their lives might be changed as a result of a plan to provide affordable health care to all Americans. Now this was seen to be important, but it wasn’t the most important part of the domestic portion of the agreement.

He has further agreed not to undertake an in-depth examination of the health care issue to determine whether a private and comprehensive plan might actually be successfully undertaken without significant worsening of the US budget deficit.

This second element of the deal was an important one: If the lives of millions of men, women, and children could actually be improved without signficant worsening of the US federal deficit and the plan was really based in private sector solutions then it was thought likely that millions of Americans would find it to have tangible positive implications for their lives.

And if that happened, the election outcome might, in fact, be profoundly impacted.

The headline again… SlowPitch signs an agreement not to lead any discussion of issues that might have a tangible, positive impact on the lives and security of his fellow citizens.


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